Signs that the Apocalypse is nearly upon us

Lamentations of a 21st century Culture Potato

GERRY BOWLER
CW Culture Critic
Special to CW Life

One of the occupational hazards of a Cul-ture Potato is AGS-Acquired Grumpiness Syndrome, a malady which afflicts those who immerse themselves in the study of current events and who conclude, quite rightly, that the world is going to heck in a hand-basket.

There is just so much out there to deplore: cruelty, violence, aberrant sexuality, the wreckage of the family, intolerance masking as inclusiveness, drug abuse, materialism, cats and dogs living together. The list is endless and the culture critic soon finds his writings increasingly resembling the utterances of that popular biblical character Jeremiah, whose perpetually gloomy messages caused his listeners to throw him in a pit.

End times

One way to avoid this distemper is occasionally to reflect how close we must be getting to the End Times. Judging by what one reads of contemporary life, the Second Coming cannot be far off. Consider the following as you make your own calculations of the approach of the Four Horsemen:

• In May, Apocalypse met Jesus Freak and Angel warred with The Beast in a battle meant to win American teens to the Lord. The popularity of professional wrestling has spawned the Texas-based Christian Wrestling Association which seeks to use grapplers to present the gospel message. The colourfully-named wrestlers follow their matches, which are usually staged in churches, with personal testimonies, prayer and an altar call.

• Last month Satan bested the pope in a Vatican exorcism. During a papal audience a 19-year-old Italian girl began raging in a cavernous voice and displaying supernatural strength as she wrestled with guards. According to a BBC report, the pope and other clerics attempted an exorcism but the girl remained possessed and the Devil continued to sneer at the pontiff from within her.

• Three excommunicated members of a polygamist church recently filed a lawsuit when a promised face-to-face meeting with Jesus never materialized. The trio claims that Jim Harmston, the self-anointed prophet of The True and Living Church of Jesus Christ of Saints of the Last Days, took all of their money and possessions-some $264,390-in return for arranging a rendezvous with Christ.

• Sewage worker Michael Last of Hilo, Hawaii has filed a grievance against county officials for paying him overtime when he worked the past four Christmas holidays. As an atheist, Mr. Last feels offended that he is forced by his union to accept extra pay for working on a religious holiday.

• Two Bavarian lawyers have asked the German government to classify the Bible as a book that is too dangerous for children. Citing "bloodthirsty and human rights-violating passages," the two claimed that the Bible "preaches genocide, racism, enmity towards Jews, gruesome executions for adulterers and homosexuals, the murder of one's own children and many other perversities." They demanded that until the offending passages are removed, the book should be put on a list of works deemed unsuitable for children.

• In another court case, three members of a German sect applied to force their nation's churches to drop the label "Christian" because of present and past abuses carried out in the name of Jesus Christ. Claiming to be "brothers in spirit" to Jesus, the plaintiffs said they were bringing the case on his behalf under the provisions of a German law that allows people to defend the reputation of deceased relatives. Judge Volker Berberich told the plaintiffs that if they believed Christ has risen from the dead then he was still alive and undoubtedly perfectly capable of defending himself.

There is a clear pattern emerging here: that unholy alliance of lawyers, atheists, the Evil One and wrestlers foretold by Nostradamus. With signs like these abounding, the End of Time can't come a moment too soon.

Gerry Bowler is a Winnipeg-based writer and historian. Contact him by email: gbowler01@home.com