Strong, healthy marriages a key to healthy families
The royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, set to take place in April, promises enough glamour to satisfy the most romantically inclined. Yet for many people today, marriage is more about economics than romance.
I was reminded of that reality while walking through a village in rural India. A woman approached our group, and with a smile, invited us into her home. It was the smallest house in the area. She was obviously very poor, but it became apparent her invitation was motivated by more than hospitality; it was a cry for help.
Once inside, the woman became emotional and confided, “My husband beats me. He gets drunk and abuses me." She went on to reveal that financial dependence and the needs of her young children kept her from fleeing her tormenter. “My son is going to be a doctor," she said with pride. “He's number one in his class and he's very smart."
In Canada, too, the threat of poverty can keep women trapped in abusive marriages. Their fears are not unfounded. According to Statistics Canada, children from single-parent families are “much more vulnerable to low income than children from two-parent families."
But the situation can be more prevalent in nations where forced marriage, violence against women and misogyny are the norm, where there is little legal protection or social infrastructure to help single parents, and where few laws hold husbands and fathers accountable for support. I don't believe it's possible for a country to flourish if half of its population - the women - are discriminated against and marginalized.
The world over, entering into - and indeed staying in - a marriage is often viewed as a means to escape poverty. This is not only true for the two individuals involved; in some countries, fathers sell their underage daughters for a substantial bride price, to generate income to provide for other family members. Yet research shows early marriage directly compounds both the feminization of poverty and intergenerational poverty.
In Afghanistan, an extremely poor country with living standards among the lowest in the world, UNICEF reports that “forced marriage is a cultural practice," with marriages used to settle debts or increase a family's status through social alliances. Daughters, sometimes considered a financial burden on poor families, are married off when still just children, to ease the economic strain.
Internationally, child marriage tends to be most common among the poorest 20 per cent of the population. Indeed, 51 million girls in the developing world have been married before legal adulthood. The consequences can be devastating: physically, emotionally and spiritually.
While marriage relationships and practices are often shaped by the surrounding culture, cultural sensitivity doesn't mean we accept everything a culture does. As those who follow Jesus, we must take our cues from Him. Christ demonstrated a high regard for marriage and always treated women with love, dignity, fairness and respect, elevating them in the midst of a culture that often did the opposite. The Apostle Paul says, “He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church" (Eph. 5:28-29).
At World Vision, we've learned that as men are sensitized and women empowered, even struggling marriages can become havens of love and prosperity, and families can flourish in newfound hope and healing.
What became of the woman in India? Local community leaders got together and decided to do something for her. A women's group gave her a cow that would produce both milk and a calf to sell, so she could generate her own income and establish herself in safety and independence from her violent husband.
Elaine Pountney is a spiritual formation coach who leads workshops on gender and sexuality for World Vision in Africa. She challenges church leaders to confront the tendency to be self-serving, and to encourage Christian spouses and parents to grow up into the full stature of Christ. “That is, into mature sacrificial love - especially in marriage and in wise parenting," she says.
“Stop and see your own spouse, your own children. Then study the way Jesus saw women and men, children and adults, those of His cultural community and those of other communities. Together, we could better follow His example."
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