The power of mutually transforming relationships
"I'm not here to change you; I'm here to change with you."
A few years ago I wouldn't have known where to buy cocaine. Now, access is just a phone call away. No, I haven't made the call and I don't expect I ever will, but it's there, it's available and it never was before.
Even in our smallest towns, there is a thriving drug and violence problem and it's one that, frankly, we've often done a good job of ignoring. Some time ago I decided to give up on the ignoring, and this has led me into some dark places where I've met some very interesting people. These are people who don't get a lot of positive attention. They're the ones you would try to avoid passing on the street and certainly avoid running into in a dark alley.
My conversations with them usually include wild stories (which are often true) told in straight-from-the-street language. There is a new story every time we meet and they never have fairy tale endings. There are no quick answers to the problems my friends face. And even the ones who have decided to follow Jesus still struggle with their addictions and with their inability to avoid a daily existence involving the worst kinds of personal and relational drama.
A couple of weeks ago I helped one of my friends and his fiance move from a neighbouring town to mine. It was a lot of effort on a very hot day but I, along with three other friends, gladly pitched in. Four days later the couple got into an argument; he got physical; the police were called; he went to jail and she took off with her infant son. She now lives in another town and he's already in a new relationship.
Walking with someone through all of this is frustrating, draining and difficult. But it's not boring, I can tell you that. And it can be rewarding.
It's the sick, Jesus tells us, who are in need of the physician. He doesn't shy away from calling people sick, and He doesn't avoid saying that He is the Physician. As His followers, we too are physicians - not perfect like He was, but possessing the same remedy to the human condition. The spiritual health we possess is not a result of our own efforts, but a product of the grace of God and our willing submission to it.
I was sitting with three very good friends recently discussing the location of a church plant amongst the homeless, drug addicted and sex-trade workers in the surrounding community. What's important at the outset, we all agreed, is to let people know that we are not there to change them. We are there to change with them, since we are not complete in our perfection. It's true: God is in the business of transformation, but it's constant transformation, not a one-time event.
Unfortunately many who should be physicians are too sick themselves to help anyone else. And this is a problem. When your doctor lives in a perpetual state of sickness, when he doesn't seem to follow the very advice he's giving you, you're probably going to look elsewhere for medical attention.
But we need each other. Those who are sick with obvious addictions need those who struggle with less visible ones; those who are sick with pride need those who have none. These relationships are mutually transforming.
When you meet someone who struggles with addictions that are different from yours and invest in his or her life, you hope that by the grace of God they will be changed, but I can tell you for a fact that you will be changed. Sometimes - often even - you'll be the one who changes most!
Jesus spent His life and ministry surrounded by need. And when He saw this need He was filled with compassion (Matt. 9:35-38, Mark 1:41). This should be our response as well. If you're interested in following in the way of Jesus, you really need some people around you to whom you can say, "I'm not here to change you; I'm here to change with you."
Change is the goal, and not just for "them."
Could you make a call right now and purchase cocaine? Could you contact someone who was recently charged with a violent crime? If not, you probably don't know enough of the types of people Jesus did.
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